Lyrics:

Intercom: "Thank you for flying Mile-High Airlines. For those of you who are impatient, actual singing will begin in 3 seconds."

I'm an Army of One, and I'm always prepared
And when the shit hits the fan I just say the Lord's Prayer
If my Memory serves me right, which it does, then beware
I keep the trolls and the haters between my cross-hairs

Jake Knapp's wigger raps about EDC
Make gun owners look bad, and that's offensive to me
Well double-click the 'dislike' but I just don't care
Talking shit anonymously from their swivel chairs

The haters ain't nothin' but pissed-off pessimists
Who missed the gist, but that's okay cause I'm an optimist
And when it comes down to survival I'm a realist, that's my style
Which is why I got my CRKT Minimalist

I sit back and relax making paracord thongs
While the trolls and the haters diss this YouTube song
Go ahead and talk trash if you got a bone to pick
I got a Bone Collector to silence you right quick

CHORUS:

Go ahead and hate on me, diss this video of my EDC
You got problems, son, and it's plain to see
The opinion of a Troll means nothing to me
When I sweep the screen with my Glock 19
The Safety Nazi's look shocked and scream
Be a dick, you'll get blocked quick
And all I can say is, 'Thaaaank-you!'

I got an EDC that'll make your head swell
Your panties bunch up and your jaw drop as well
I got a G-Shock watch so I'm never late
And my trusty Sig Sauer P-238

I keep a medical kit in the back of my whip
In case a Troll acts the bitch and needs to get his lip stitched
In the backwoods I use a Dajo Survivor
Or Victorinox, they call me MacGyver

This mace in my hand will leave your face numb
Wanna see the Troll's die, put up your TuffThumbz
I sit back and relax with my Tactical Hoes
While the hater's leave comments like, 'This video blows!'
Go ahead and talk trash cause it's what you do best
I got clothes and write flows the hater's love to protest

(Chorus repeat)

'Is that firearm loaded? Did he safety-check it? Did he just sweep the screen?'

I'm the King of EDC with my Kershaw Crown
I let it ride in the front of my jeans, tip-down
I pimped my Glock, now it's a gatling gun
I got a Strider tattoo on my forehead, son

I don't mess around, I carry hollow-tips
And some extra mags, I never call them clips
I blind my enemies with my LD-10
And write underwater with my Fisher Space Pen

I use a Gallagher Wave when I need to shave
When I wave good-bye I do the Emerson Wave
I sit back and relax with my pimped-out knife
While the YouTube Trolls try to get a life

(Chorus repeat)